Mothers Day Is For All Mothers

Every Mother's Day my thoughts turn to those girls and women who have placed a child for adoption. The Saturday before Mother's Day is designated as National Birth Mother's Day, begun in 1990 by Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh as a way to show support for other birth mothers. Although well intended, why a separate day? Mother's Day already is a giant mix of differing emotional experiences for most people, both celebratory and painful, for those who have lost their mothers, lost a child to death, struggle with motherhood. Setting aside a separate day for Birth/First Mother's does not make them special.  It sends the message "yes you are here, too, but you are not one of us."

Birth Mothers are mothers for the rest of their lives. They have their own unique set of thoughts, feelings and experiences that are difficult to understand for anyone who has not experienced the pain of loss through. For many the adoption was coerced or involuntary. For others there was more subtle pressure placed on them during a time of crisis by family or adoption agency staff and they believed there was only one choice that would be supported. Whatever the circumstance, Birth Mothers feel grief, sadness, fears, uncertainty, doubt, shame for a lifetime. Sounds like motherhood to me. To all Birth Mothers, I include you in my thoughts on Mother's Day. I wish you healing throughout your life. This is your day too!