What does it feel like to be “in Self”? First, there is a sense of calm and some compassion about self and others. There may be some curiosity, a general belief that there might be more to learn. You may also feel some confidence , that things might be okay or if not, you will be able to handle it. You may also have some courage to do somthing differently. How do you remain in Self when there is great stress or things have escalated?

First, buy some time. Time allows the flood of emotions to subside. It is amazing how powerful that can be. Most situations do not require an immediate response or one that cannot wait a minute or two. You will be surprised to see how different your response will be after the emotions subside if you compare the two. Many clients have told me that they would not have chosen their immediate response over one that comes after some time. Say that you need more time or are too overwhelmed right now to think clearly. Then do what you need to do to calm yourself and honor your commitment to return and respond.

Second, make a regular practice of self compassion. The more you turn inward with compassion, the easier it is to have compassion for someone else. Do this several times per day.

Finally, keep a mental log of data that you can call on when one of your parts gets triggered. When you have a part that fears you will get hurt, you can explain that you have survived being hurt in the past. When you have a critical part that tells you that you are inept, you can remind that part of some accomplishments. Of course, thank these parts for the work they are doing on your behalf and let them know you’ve got this!